Tag Archives: Spring Break

Student Uses Extended Break to Rediscover Love of Being Terrible at Hobbies

TAMPA, FL—While most students headed home with heavy hearts upon learning of Cornell’s closure, Riley Clemens ‘21 was reportedly delighted at the prospect of finally having time to reignite her long-dormant passion: being absolutely god-awful at every hobby she attempts.  “Hobbies are a great way to feel creative without any Read More

Pathetic Waste of Space Thinks Staying in Ithaca Over Break Was Fun

Ithaca NY—After many of her friends returned to campus from their marvelous spring break adventures around the globe, one pathetic student actually enjoyed her time staying in Ithaca over the break. Even though she never drank the finest wines or had passionate flings with the hottest men the world had Read More

Campus Activists Organize Hunger Strike Just In Time For Spring Break Dieting

HO PLAZA—To the relief of many students, a recent hunger strike in response to continued government inaction on sensible gun reform has aligned perfectly with the dieting period before Spring Break. “No matter how strict my meals were, I could never lose enough weight to get the bod I wanted. Read More