Light Slowly Leaves Professor’s Eyes as He Realizes No One Did The Reading

GOLDWIN SMITH HALL— Enthusiastic Classics professor Jonathan Whistler spent the first four minutes of class prodding his students to analyze the reading before it slowly became apparent that not a single student in the class had even opened the 25-page PDF posted on Blackboard.

“Please,” he said softly, though he by then knew there would be no replies. “Can anyone describe Hercules’s fight with Ataeus? Can you guess the significance of the story? Can…” Whistler continued, his voice trailing off as he dropped his piece of chalk, without bothering to pick it up again.

Whistler then stood silently for a minute as he considered whether to move on and ask questions about the lecture’s other reading, ultimately deciding to force a pained smile and describe the text to the class as if it was never assigned.

“I haven’t read anything all semester,” said Alice Liu ‘20. “I think he finally realized that today—his entire aura sort of just turned gray. Oh, well.”

After seeing the professor’s reaction, Whistler’s TAs hope he will forget to look at the number of responses to the optional mid-semester class evaluation.

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