Nooz Staff November 15, 2018

This Week’s “Sex on Thursdays” Just Straight-up Porn

DOWNTOWN ITHACA—In a statement released earlier today, The Cornell Daily Sun has announced that their latest “Sex on Thursdays” article will be straight-up, uncensored porn.

“We’ve always felt the need to give our ‘Sex on Thursdays’ writers as much creative freedom as possible, so it’s only fitting that one of them would upload a personal video directly to Pornhub,” explained editor-in-chief Antonia Sokol. “Considering our previous articles, I think we’ve really set a precedent that justifies our readers watching two people just go at it for 30 minutes, and that’s something we’re really proud of.”

The video, already viewed by thousands of students and their families, includes visible sexual intercourse and features some poor graduate student’s desk in the stacks of the Olin Library and the sound of the Cornell Chimes playing “Yellow Submarine” for the twentieth time.

When asked how they plan to top this week’s article, Sokol mentioned that the publication has plans “to run something a little less vanilla next time. Just you wait!”

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