LOS ANGELES, CA—With COVID-19 forcing Thanksgiving celebrations to be held virtually, Hannah Barnes ‘23 is frustrated that when the time came, she was moved to the kids’ breakout room for dinner.
“I’m mature, I like adult conversations, and I live on my own now. What’s the point of keeping me with the cousins if they’re all so much younger than me anyways?” asked Barnes. “We don’t even have remotely similar interests. I mean, all their Zoom backgrounds are gaming Youtubers. And the adults don’t want me in their room? I’m at Cornell, I figure that at least shows I have something to say.”
During the course of the meal, Barnes reported she had to repeatedly mute her younger cousins, who were screaming “something about Minecraft.” Several of the cousins also disabled their cameras on accident, and one “accidentally” began screensharing a parody of Cardi B’s “WAP”, leading to Hannah frantically revoking sharing privileges. She also claimed she was kicked out of the main room when she attempted to infiltrate the adults’ conversation about “the stock market, or something.”
Reached out to comment, Barnes’ third-grade cousin Hunter replied “What’s a Corn-ell, this?”, while arranging his corn on the cob in the shape of an L. The rest of the cousins responded with raucous laughter and by launching peas at Barnes from a spoon.
When asked why Barnes was not welcome in the adults’ Zoom conversation, the adults responded near-unanimously that they “just wanted her to have some nice bonding time with her cousins”, hoping that she would carry on their outdated family traditions when they stopped, as well as acknowledging her as the only one in the family who knew how to use Zoom’s Breakout Room tool. The only standout was Barnes’ Uncle Frank, who did not want Hannah in the room on account of her being a “liberal snowflake.”