Student Astonished To Learn That Being An Ally Means Something Other Than Telling Girls He Loved Ladybird

WARREN HALL—AEM Major Roger Gross ‘22 reacted with shock upon realizing that not one bullet point in an Instagram infographic labeled “How to Be An Ally” contained any reference to the 2017 Greta Gerwig film Ladybird.

“There was all this shit about ‘calling out microaggressions’ and like ‘mutual aid,’ but absolutely no discussion of all the good I do by reading A People’s History of the United States totally like Kyle does in Ladybird!,” Gross complained.

Gross continued, “honestly, I think my allyship is centered in encouraging women to follow their dreams by telling them they’re destined for better things and that I like their dumb bogus plans so they’ll sleep with me. But this information has shaken me to my core. What if I need to watch another movie? Ugh, fine, I’ll Netflix Green Book.”

Gross revealed that after this shock, he consulted with an FGSS major friend, Charlie Trea ‘23, to learn more about how to be a better ally. “Yeah, I’m not sure why Roger thinks we’re friends,” said Trea. “We were in an FWS last year and he kept asking for my notes and mentioning our female professor was ‘bangin.’ I tried to tell him that allyship means uplifting unheard voices and using your privilege in a space to protect those without it, but he just interrupted me to ask why I think strong women like Ladybird need any man to talk for them.”

Trea expressed optimism that Gross might learn a little more about allyship from Gerwig’s upcoming film Barbie: The Movie.

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