ROSE HOUSE– After a surprise run-in with an acquaintance in the hot line at Flora Rose House Dining Room, one particularly affluent student was shocked that one of her friends could possibly have to earn a wage to afford school.
“Oh my goodness, I am so sorry,” apologized Ashileigh Kennedy ‘24. “I had no idea. I’ve known James for two years now, and I had no idea that he was struggling in the depths of poverty this entire time. I could’ve helped him. I could have sold a jacket, or withdrawn a little extra from my trust this month, or called my dad, and he wouldn’t have to work for at least the next two semesters. No one I am associated with personally should have to live like this.”
Upon noticing her friend scooping Chipotle Mac ‘N’ Cheese on the other side of the protected glass, Kennedy immediately began questioning her friend to get to the bottom of the situation. After being informed that he had not been robbed, kidnapped, or spontaneously transformed into someone living in rural America, she shook her head in disbelief and joined her friends at their table, which they had carefully marked with a makeshift “VIP” sign.
“Yeah, I’m not sure Ashileigh understands the concept of rent,” explained James Town, ’26. “ Her sisters explained that every rent email they send her gets forwarded to her dad at firstname.lastname@example.org. She also might legitimately think that every house in Ithaca is a frat or sorority, because when she saw my 300 square foot studio apartment she asked me where all my brothers slept. But she has the spirit. She immediately sent a letter demanding President Pollack give me ‘unlimited paid time off,’ which is not the deal she thinks it is.”
When asked to explain why he took the Dining job in the first place, Town admitted he took the job so he could replace a Nintendo Switch that had been stolen from him earlier this year.