ILR Student Who Ignored The Whole Starbucks Thing Totally Taking Credit For This

IVES HALL—Amid the aftermath of the administration’s decision to discontinue its contract with Starbucks, cheers cascaded through Ives Hall as labor organizers and union supporters alike celebrated the decision. Among the gleeful shouts, Jack Stowe’s cheers rang the loudest.

“We did it!” exclaimed Stowe. “The credit for such an achievement goes out to the entire ILR community. As the Brotherhood and Alcoholic Events Chair of the Consulting With Consultants On How To Consult Better Club or the CWCOHTCBC, I played a key role in getting more Starbucks, or less Starbucks, or firing that barista that I hate or something to happen. Basically, whatever it was we achieved, it was all me.”

Stowe was spotted prancing down the halls wearing a conflicting array of buttons including “Union Yes!,” “Union Maybe,” and “That’s What She Said” along his CWCOHTCBC jacket. Sources claim he was spotted high fiving everyone in sight, much to the confusion of Larry McGuire, head Starbucks Union Organizer.

“That guy?” said Larry “I think I recognize him. When we first began discussing kicking Starbucks off campus, he sent about a dozen angry emails to our complaint line ranting and raving. At first I thought he was anti-union but mostly he complained about dirty liberals taking away his double chocolatey chip mocha Frappuccino or something.”

Sources claim that once Jack was assured that many other coffee suppliers have their own version of the Frappuccino, he totally forgot about the whole thing.