Alex Parker ‘27, resident unfeeling alpha-sigma-kappa-delta-epsilon bland male came to face his greatest fear at Cornell-hinting at a morsel of personality-when forced to open up during the first week in an introductory discussion. The haunting assignment guidelines asked to “Share something you did over the summer and what you like to do for fun.”
He divulges the panicked, introspective process he was launched into. “It really forced me to take a look inside and think about the things that really matter; do I really even like Brawl Stars?”
Hours of contemplation lead to his final draft, “I like to chill.” Chills.
He thought about adding that he likes to play video games, but shook his head to himself, knowing that was a side of him he was just not ready to share yet. He hit his vape then the post button on the canvas discussion, sending ripples through the flurry of pictures of people’s “cute” ratty white dogs, and trips to Europe this summer.
Jessica Johnson ‘27, who shared how her mom and dad both went to Cornell and detailed her extensive equestrian background in her post, replied within seconds, “Hi Alex, that’s so cool that you like to chill. I like to chill too, I actually think that’s great, and have so much fun doing that!” demonstrating a deep connection with Alex’s fine literature.
Piggybacking off of that, Alex reported feeling inspired by Jessica’s post, going on to use exclamation marks in replies to the other people in the discussion board, but not more than one per reply of course, “[sophisticated chuckle] No, no, that would be too expressive” he remarked.
And he’s right, for the good of posterity, classmates and professors alike hope he doesn’t get overconfident and share how many siblings he has any time soon.