Tag Archives: okenshields

Okenshields Employees Unsure How to Handle Everybody Crying Into Their Salads

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OKENSHIELDS – Citing multiple instances of muffled sobbing, exasperated gasps, and flat out bawling, Okenshields employees are reportedly unsure how to deal with most patrons crying directly into their make-your-own salads. “Um, I mean I just kind of refill the spinach when it gets pretty low, but I feel like Read More

Happy Dave Announces 2016 Presidential Candidacy

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OKENSHIELDS — Earlier today, David “Happy Dave” Sepulveda, beloved card-swiper and greeter, announced his candidacy in the 2016 presidential election with massive support from Cornell Dining and the greater Okenshields community. “The American people need a carefree, cheerful leader to lift their spirits and get them back on track, and Read More