Tag Archives: Racism

Cornell Administration Pleads for Understanding, Only Capable Of Empathizing “With One Minority Group At A Time”

WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL—In the wake of horrendous hate crimes committed against Asian-American women, Cornell University Administration has reiterated its commitment to improving as an anti-racist institution, as long as they don’t have to focus on fixing more than one thing at a time. “Last May, in the wake of widespread Read More

Campus Professional Fraternities Compete to See Who Can Most Creatively Reject Students of Color

WARREN HALL—During a rush season that was stressful for everyone, Cornell professional fraternities had a particularly difficult time competing with each other to see who could come up with the most ingenious excuse for yet another class of inductees looking like an assortment of Michael Cera’s stunt doubles, but without Read More

“I’m Not Sure If They’ll Let Me Say This These Days,” Says Senior Lecturer About to Say Most Horrifying Thing You’ve Ever Heard

PHILLIPS HALL—Students were left horrified this Tuesday after senior lecturer Timothy Ostgarden paused his 8 am lecture to remark, “Now, I’m not sure if they’ll let me say these days,” before embarking on a thirty minute screed against women, minorities, the LGBT community, and the Irish. “I’m disappointed in Dr. Read More

Facebook Commenter’s Description of “Cornell’s Good Old Days” Just Sounds Like Jim Crow Era South

SILER CITY, NC—In response to a Cornell Daily Sun article on campus diversity initiatives, Facebook user Alfred “Al” Dickinson ‘55 utlized the comment section to express his desire for a return to a bygone era in the university’s history—one that was apparently strongly reminiscent of the American South during the Read More

Pelosi Credits End of Shutdown to “Sanctuary For All” Poster in Corner of Cornell Professor’s Window

GOLDWIN SMITH HALL—House Speaker Nancy Pelosi addressed the nation regarding the end of the government shutdown, stating that it came as a result of the 1’ by 2’ sheet of craft paper reading “No Ban, No Wall, Sanctuary For All” in a corner window of Cornell’s own Comparative Literature Department. Read More

Martha Pollack Curls Up With Campus Climate Surveys To Read Before Bedtime

DAY HALL— Slipping on her Cornell-branded flannel PJs, President Martha Pollack snuggled under the covers and opened up the results of the Campus Climate Surveys for her nightly bedtime story. After urging every single one of Cornell’s almost 15,000 students to take the survey, President Pollack eagerly read all twelve Read More

Cornell Quarterback Takes Knee To Run Out Clock

SCHOELLKOPF FIELD—With five seconds left in the first half of today’s game against Harvard, quarterback Logan Moore ‘19 showed solidarity with African American victims of police brutality by taking a knee on his own three-yard line. “The entire stadium was silent. Of course, that’s pretty on par for a Cornell Read More

OP-ED: See? We Changed the Name of the Plantations and Fixed On-Campus Racism!

by Associate Dean of Students Charlotte Beaufort When the Black Students United group came forward with their demand to change the name of the Cornell Plantations, citing the racial undertones that ‘plantations’ conveyed, the Board of Trustees had a long discussion of what to do. We eventually decided that, yes, Read More