ITHACA, NY- Recent studies show that the fraternity your dad was a member of is now completely full of douchebags. This news comes as a disappointment after dad’s encouragingly fond memories of his Greek experience from 1980-1984.
“These guys were my best friends, and I owe everything to the house,” said Dad, “I can’t imagine much has changed since I graduated.” Despite your family’s annual donations to the chapter, current members of the house are decidedly dim-witted, brass, and pretentious. This revelation is especially hard hitting after recalling your old man’s parting words to you before rush week: “Be sure to check out my old house. These are really stand up guys, and nothing- and I mean nothing- would make me prouder then knowing you carried on my legacy within the brotherhood.”