ITHACA, NY – In a recent press release, the Cornell Fitness department announced that all incoming freshman would be required to pass a synchronized swimming test as an added graduation requirement. The test will include a solo, trio and combo segment (consisting of eight to ten swimmers), and students will be judged on their grace, precision, and artistry. “It’s simply not enough for students to pass a swim test. We need to see that each and every student is able to navigate the waters of Teagle with finesse and elegance,” explained Cornell Athletics Department Chair Andrew Noel, adding, “Aquatic aerobic endurance is now a keystone of Cornell education.” Each test will last 15 minutes and consist of both a technical choreographed routine, and ‘free’ routine in which student are encouraged to show off their creativity.
While most incoming students agree that synchronized swimming should be a campus-wide requirement, some are apprehensive about their performance for their upcoming a hybrid display of swimming, dance and gymnastics. “I was going to get an internship with my dad’s company this summer,” explained Jeremy Warden ’18, “but now I think I’ll be devoting my time to practicing my lifts.” Jeremy is an aspiring pre-med Bio major in CALS, and hopes to pass the synchronized swim test as a ‘flyer’, the team member who is propelled into the air by his teammates from an inverted position.
Older students are simply relieved they won’t have to fulfill this requirement retroactively. Junior Ariel Heston told CU Nooz, “I’m not much of a swimmer, but I could probably land a side fishtail, or even a full vertical,” adding “I’m just not sure I’d thrive at the splits or cranes.” At press time, the administration was reportedly considering a synchronized diving or figure skating as future requirements.