Ithaca, N.Y.— Ominous Black clouds hung over Ithaca this Monday as the Cascadilla Gorge trail was re-opened. The trail, which cuts through college town, was closed six years ago under mysterious circumstances. Many members of the Ithaca community expressed outrage over the re-opening.
“Six years ago an unspeakable evil ravaged this land,” bellowed Ithaca resident Erasmus Hearth as a heavy rain began to fall on the ceremony. “We vowed to keep it here. To hold and contain it….to prevent it from poisoning our women, our children, our souls! You’re a fool, Myrick! You’ll be the death of us all. You’ll see what happens when you spit in the faces of the gods!”
Following Hearth’s speech, a low humming sound started to resonate in the gorge, and the wind picked up to a dangerous speed.
“Don’t listen to that superstitious imbecile,” Svante Myrick confidently said to an increasingly concerned audience, his top hat blowing into the gorge. “This trail will allow members of our community to enjoy Ithaca’s natural beauty for generations!” As Myrick began to leave the podium, a tree fell and crushed the stage, narrowly missing the mayor and his staff.
The scenic gorge trail will be open to the public everyday from sunrise to sundown.
Related Posts
Student Receives Journal and Therapy, Stops Writing for Daily Sun Opinion Section
Evil Professor To Teach All Classes in Your Major, Minor, and Distribution Requirements Next Semester
Brace Faced Nerd Clocktower to Wear Headgear All Summer
Pathetic Zeus Visitor Not Good Enough for Pristine Marble Table, Exiled to Weak Little Wooden Bench
Like This!
