December 29, 2016

Senior Decides It’s Already Too Late to Be Productive Over Winter Break

PHILADELPHIA, PA — After getting out of bed at 1:45 PM and briefly considering looking at his calendar, Ted Jackson ‘17 concluded it was already too late to be productive over winter break.

“I’m really trying to make the most out of the holidays,” Jackson said while gnawing on frozen pizza from the comfort of his living room couch. “I don’t know when will be the next time I can go weeks without checking my email or thinking hard.”

The upperclassman added that his objective for 2017 is to find a job for after graduation, but that means he has a year to work on it. “I wouldn’t get it done before classes anyway, and I’m sure I’ll have plenty of time when school starts. I’ll be a second-semester senior — what else could I have going on?”

According to sources, Jackson soon scrapped his New Year’s Resolution for an easier one like enjoying the little things or learning something new.

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