December 22, 2016

Asshole Professor Makes Adorable Gingerbread House

TOMPKINS COUNTY, NY — After approving the grades that would lead 58 students to tears and 17 to change their majors, asshole math professor Nancy Druckman began piping royal icing between walls of delectable cookies to assemble her adorable holiday gingerbread house.

Professor Druckman, commonly referred to as “the devil in flesh”, constructed baby Jesus out of a mini marshmallow and the three kings from gumdrops, and placed them on the sugar-coated lawn. The heartless bitch then patiently applied light pressure to the sides of the roofs so that they would stay in place, all while fondly reminiscing about the visibly-scared-shitless students who visited her office hours over the semester.

With a small smile, the tenured wench began delicately frosting snowflakes along the rim. Sources confirmed that Druckman could be heard repeatedly whispering “I will fail you all” as she topped her undeniably charming creation with a solid chocolate Santa.

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