April 11, 2017

OP-ED: I Get My Fruit From the Farmer’s Market and That Makes Me Fresher Than You

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AG QUAD – Oh hey, didn’t see you there. I was too busy nibbling on this artisanal gourd I bought at the farmer’s market. Wait, you don’t get your produce from the farmer’s market? Wow, that must make me fresher than you in every way.

That’s right. I’m not paying these higher prices just to support local farmers. As your blood grows rich with pesticides and GMO’s, I’m slowly ripening into the certified all-natural highest quality being that I was always meant to be. Trust me, I’m not just making excuses to justify the inflated prices of organic produce. If you want to see the results, just look at my tangy flesh or my farm-to-table, vitamin-rich peel.

While all you can taste is the cold metal of the assembly line your groceries run along, I taste the warm wood-fired skin of those who pick my produce. While all your money goes to corrupt Brazilian politicians, all of my hard-earned dollars go straight into the pockets of poor, underprivileged, grass-fed Cornell students. Sorry Wegmans lover, but your ashy freckled skin can’t compare to my healthy sheen and unbruised rind.

Say what you will, but this is the new me. With flowers bloomed, my leaves are evenly spread out to photosynthesize rich sugars to keep me nourished and green. My roots are firmly planted in the ground and I’m not budging.

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