OP-ED: Lindsay and I Went to Wegmans Together, So We’re Definitely Getting Married

Yesterday, Lindsay and I went grocery shopping at Wegmans together, so clearly we are in an incredibly serious relationship. When I first met her, I had no idea we would end up being soulmates. We were doing childish things like kissing in private, talking about things that weren’t us, and living independent lives. But now, we’re legitimate couple goals—I mean, we buy cheese together! Just like a mom and dad!

My roommate basically has a single because we sleep in the same twin bed every night. I just like spending time with her, and we don’t even have to have sex. Yeah, it’s the real deal.

We’re an adult couple in other ways too! Sometimes we carpool places, like to Wegmans. It’s super cute—she stands at the corner of the street and I pick her up. The ol’ ball and chain and I are going to end up together. All our friends say we’re the perfect couple—we’re even setting up our singles (that’s what we call our unfulfilled single friends) so they can someday find everlasting happiness in the pasta aisle, just like us.

I know it’s only been 3 weeks, and there’s no way I’d compromise my career to stay with her, but when you know you know—we’re going to get married. We’re even going to Ikea next week!

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