Nooz Staff November 2, 2018

Junior Drags Out Stained, Beer-Soaked Costume For Second Consecutive Halloweekend

COLLEGETOWN—Jessica Ashdale ’20 began unfurling her crumpled, uncomfortably-soggy baseball costume Friday evening in preparation for yet another weekend of costumed revelry.

“How the hell did I get beer on every inch of this costume?” Ashdale said while examining the wadded XXL t-shirt she last tossed in the corner of her apartment Sunday after a bout of day-drinking. “And what is this stain? I can’t tell whether it’s wine from the Friday pregame or fake blood from Sam’s ‘Sexy but Incompetent Nurse’ costume.”

While at first curious as to why her costume smelled so awful, to her horror Ashdale soon recalled having spilled a mango strawberry smoothie all over herself Saturday night.

“I guess if I fold this section, and turn so only my left side shows when taking photos, it could work?” said Ashdale, unsuccessfully trying to hide the more offensive spaghetti-sauce streaks with staples and whiteout. “ This would be so much more manageable if I could just rub out all the marker stains I got from hugging 18 different Lil Pumps and 6ix9ines I saw last weekend.”

After repurposing her bedraggled outfit into a “used napkin” costume, Ashdale strode confidently into the night, unaware that by Sunday her outfit would be little more than a couple strings of thread held together by beer and dried vomit.

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