DUFFIELD HALL—Table configurations in Duffield Hall this evening indicate that yet another fucking event is taking place in the Engineering Quad’s busiest hall.
“I was just eating at Mattin’s when three students came up and yanked my seat from under me, muttering something about ‘needing my chair for the Tesla people,’” said Jessica Nguyen ‘20. “Then they spent a solid 30 minutes attempting to drag all the squeaky tables into the right configuration.”
Nobody knows exactly what this goddamn event is for, not even the organizers, but the well-dressed important adults, engineering students in suit jackets that are simultaneously too small and too big, and a lonely, half-eaten catering tray of rice means this event is probably important to someone.
“I thought maybe, for once, I’d be able to pass between Duffield and Upson without people glaring at me like I’m interrupting the Met Gala,” complained Maria Jacobson ‘19. “Instead I had to listen to young, pasty engineers talk to middle-aged pasty engineers about how blockchain will single-handedly end world hunger.”
Despite the event’s high profile nature, its organizers allegedly still do not have summer internships.
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