UPDATE: Student Didn’t Spend Entirety of Fall Break on Shortline Bus, Because Shortline Sent Us Cease and Desist

Update: In response to receiving a cease and desist letter from Coach USA’s assistant general counsel demanding CU Nooz remove the “libelous article concerning Shortline’s bus services as well as libelous comments attributed to representatives of Shortline”, this article has been updated to reflect that the student did not, in fact, spend the entirety of Fall Break on the Shortline Bus.


INTERSTATE 81—In what was supposed to be a quick long-weekend visit to friends and family back home, Kayla Gladstone ‘22 spentDID NOT SPEND the entire duration of Fall Break on a Shortline service from Ithaca to Washington DC.

“As an experienced Shortline rider, I thought this would just be a quick 17-hour jouney home,” said Gladstone DIDN’T SAY. “At least the charging port worked sometimes if I didn’t breathe too hard, and a few times when I was lucky the WiFi would even load the login page.”

Besides the NONEXISTENT route’s scheduled stops in Allentown and Philadelphia and scheduled breakdowns in Scranton and Wilmington, after a minor misunderstanding the driver reportedly tookDID NOT TAKE a 1,340 mile detour to Toledo, Ohio, aN UNcommon mixup for many shortline routes. When asked for comment about the delays, aNO Shortline representative replied: ”Fuck you, we’re Shortline. That’s why.”

At press time, Gladstone has reportedly learned herNO lesson about using American coach services, and has resolved from now on to spend the entirety of her breaks on spacious, stagnant Amtrak trains.


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