“What’s Crackin’ Big Dawg?” Friend’s Friend Has Already Told You Their Name Four Times

HO PLAZA—Notoriously poor socialite Pete Klein ‘23 found himself fumbling for the right words after bumping into his friend’s friend while walking across campus. Though Klein had met the fellow student on numerous occasions, and could vividly picture each moment of their multiple introductions, he found himself entirely unable to remember their name. In a desperate effort to appear like a better man than he truly was, Klein addressed his acquaintance with an overly familiar greeting: “What’s Crackin’ Big Dawg?”

“I’m not proud of what happened out there today,” commented a somber Klein. “That’s not me, it’s not who I am. I just froze up when he caught me by surprise like that. I can remember his name now, it’s Josh. See? Just a fluke,” continued Klein, attempting to justify his failure to act as a decent human being. “Wait…No…Hold on. Josh is that guy in my physics class, his name is something else. Jeff. Yeah, Jeff! Next time I see Jeff I’ll be sure to set things right, he’ll think I knew his name the whole time.”

This moniker misstep was not uncommon for Klein, who regularly can’t be bothered to remember the names of people who know him quite well. Klein was particularly embarrassed after one specific week in which he called his lab partner “My Guy”, his TA “Dude”, and his roommate’s girlfriend “Captain Coolio”. 

“It’s always nice running into Peter,” said Jordan Waynes ‘23, having just seen him earlier that day. “He was really friendly when I ran into him on Ho Plaza. After he came to my birthday party last week, I think we really started to get closer. I feel like we’re on the way to becoming good pals.” added Waynes, referring to a man who would not recognize him in a medium sized hat and pair of sunglasses.

In addition to making day-to-day social interactions quite difficult, Klein’s poor naming prowess also prevents him from attending fraternity events, as he is unable to name even a single brother.

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