ITHACA, NY – Fifty fun-loving Cornell students took a break from classes last Thursday to hold a festive block party on East Avenue and Tower Road, likely in celebration of another successful year of studying. “We believe that shared governance at Cornell is extremely important,” stated one wacky partier, her eyes brimming with laughter. “Students…
ITHACA, NY- Dragons around the Tompkins County area have been expressing their excitement for Cornell’s upcoming annual Architect Day. Architect Day, started in 1901 by dragons wishing to make their presence more known on Cornell’s campus, involves students from the Art, Dragonry, and Planning School parading around the streets with a massive constructed architect. “Architect…
If you travel to Mexico, don’t forget to drink the water. Or if you travel anywhere. Or if you don’t travel at all. Water is essential no matter where you are. To avoid the pain of a nasty sunburn, remember to regularly use a liberal amount of Tequila. Apply directly to skin. To relax on…
Hey Cornell Daily Sun, You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a perfectly natural problem that happens to every publication with a functional web presence. You just couldn’t get it up. Look, we get it, you had a long day, you’re under a lot of stress from all that reporting you’ve been doing, and…
Over the past few months, a sickening display of inconvenience has been hurled at drivers on this campus. Already suffering at the hand of obscure and sadistic parking regulations, drivers were punished once more when the CUPD closed off the most popular street on campus for no apparent reason whatsoever. What? Do they expect us…
ITHACA, NY – As Cornell was brought in for its seasonal checkup, it was revealed that its Spring has broken, and may be beyond repair. Upon receiving the news that Spring was in fact irreversibly broken, Cornell president David Skorton told reporters “I’ve been bringing Cornell in for its inspection every year for the past…
ITHACA, NY – The Cornell Concert Commission (CCC) is proud to report that no one has really noticed or commented on the fact that there has not been a concert scheduled the entire spring semester. In a recent interview, CCC President Lance Gleen told CU Nooz that he was “quite grateful” that Cornellians hadn’t picked…
Student Assembly Executive Vice President Mark Coombs ‘08 announced Ludacris today as the 2006 Slope Day headliner. Said Coombs, “We are really excited to welcome Luda, straight off of the drop of his hit record Release Therapy.” Ludacris is best known for his fast and witty rapping style, often mockingly criticizing current events such as…
ITHACA, NY – Campus is abuzz today with the outrageous news of this year’s slope day artist. “This is simply preposterous!” stated flabbergasted Junior Emily Smalls, “Him? For Slope Day? Well I never!” The nonsensical decision has befuddled the majority of campus, who were simply confounded by the choice of performer. Upon hearing the news,…
ITHACA, NY – After the Alpha Tau Omega fraternity’s charter was revoked last June, the University has stated plans to make repairs to their old fraternity house at 625 University Ave. hoping to incorporate the property into the Alice Cook House community on West Campus. That is, unless ATO has got anything to say about…
