Tag Archives: mental health

Student Confused by and Slightly Afraid Of Newfound Feelings of Hope

WEST CAMPUS—After feeling ill at ease for close to a week, area student Maya Yuan ‘23 realized with a start that the unfamiliar emotions she was experiencing may be attributable to hope. “Things have been weird lately,” said Yuan, her eyes darting restlessly around the room. “The weather is getting Read More

“I’m Actually Doing Really Good!” Claims Student Who Just Tasted Lube for Fun

BECKER HOUSE—Once again approaching the midpoint of the semester, students are faced with the question: How am I actually doing? The answer for most undergrads, all too stubborn to admit to their innate and undeniable blemishes, proves to be simply “really good,” despite the fact that several recently consumed lubricant Read More

OP-ED: Bring Back EARS Counselling Because I’m Terrible At Keeping My Friends’ Secrets

COLLEGETOWN— Recently, I noticed that Cornell was shutting down the Empathy, Assistance, and Referral Services Peer Counseling Program, on the basis that they could not afford the insurance. And I get it, because I too cannot afford health insurance. But please, I’m begging you, reinstate the peer counseling program, because Read More

OP-ED: Getting Phoebe Bridgers To Perform A Virtual Concert Is The Closest Thing Cornell Has Done To Acknowledge Depression Amongst Students

ITHACA—In a stunning reversal of university policies and practices, Cornell has finally taken action to address the allegations that Cornell students disproportionately experience depression, compared to their peers at other colleges. It’s no secret that many Cornellians are overwhelmed, stressed, and/or depressed, and for decades the student body has appealed Read More

Cornell Mental Healthcare Services Says Fuck It With New Slogan “What Are You Gonna Do? Cry About It?”

HO PLAZA—Cornell Counseling & Psychological Services made waves this week when the psychological services department unveiled their new slogan “What Are You Gonna Do? Cry About It?” The motto change comes as a surprise for many, who for years have known the slogan of CAPS to be “Dang, That Sucks, Read More

Student Finally Achieves Ideal School-Life Balance During Leave of Absence

RALEIGH, NC – After four semesters at Cornell, sophomore Rodney Phillip ’23 has at last attained the perfect balance between his academics and personal life by leaving the school altogether and taking a leave of absence. “It definitely took a few semesters of trial and error to find the best Read More