Nooz Staff January 22, 2015

Intolerable Parents Paying Entire Tuition

LATHAM, MA – After several days at home for break, Cornell sophomore Tina Nelson has determined that her parents, who are paying for her entire college tuition, are utterly and totally unbearable.

“Mom never shuts up about her yoga class, and Dad doesn’t know how to work any piece of technology and has to ask me for help all the time,” stated Nelson, who will graduate debt-free as a result of her obnoxious parents’ financial assistance. “It’s insane,” she added.

Nelson had begun to notice minor annoyances from her parents when she was a Junior in high school. It was not until after her mother and father had written the first of several $30,000 checks for her education that she began to consider them complete nuisances.

“So, Tina, what classes are you taking next semester?” and “How are your friends doing?” are some of the inane questions that Nelson’s useless mother, who had meticulously set aside money for her college fund since before she was born, just has to ask all the damn time.

“Insufferable,” commented Nelson.

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