EARTH — Mother Earth, goddess and protector of our fair planet, is reportedly irate due to the fact that you didn’t to call her for Earth Day. This marks the third year in a row you forgot about the holiday celebrating the environment, and at this point it just seems like you don’t care at all anymore.
“I know you’re busy, but I don’t ask for much,” said Mother Nature, expressing disappointment in your complete negligence. “Only that you check in every so often, and that you remember to clean up the hundred square mile garbage patch in the Pacific Ocean.”
Even though you know it’s been a while, she would also like to remind you that it’s been so long since you gave any thought to your ecosystem. It would be nice to hear from you before her polar ice caps melt away and the Amazon rainforest disappears forever.
Remember, though Gaia’s love is unconditional, it wouldn’t kill you to stop pumping toxic chlorofluorocarbons into the atmosphere and just send her a quick text once in a while.