July 19, 2015

Fuck, Summer Halfway Over

NORTHERN HEMISPHERE — Thousands of Cornell students came to the conclusion today that, holy shit, summer is more than halfway done. Damn.

“It’s almost August already?! When the hell did that happen?!” exclaimed Cecilia Verona ’18 after realizing that after two months, she no longer has time to accomplish everything she wanted to this summer.

Many students have quickly become aware that their summer flings will come to an end, school will start soon and the freedom once felt by so many will turn into germane fucking drudgery all over again.

“I could have sworn I had more time left” thought Alberto Espinosa ’16, who now needs go outside, see the world and reconnect with as many friends and family members as possible just one more time before it’s too late.

Despite the mass recognition of summer’s end, there are only a few students who have reasoned that wait, oh no, the best years of our youth are almost gone.

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