Fall semester is starting soon! Here’s what you can expect coming to college for the very first day:
- You will meet a lot of happy, well-adjusted people, but don’t worry! Over time you will learn to see through the ruse.
- Moving into your dorm will be a struggle, so give up and move back home.
- Your RA will be a nice, approachable person that you can trust with anything, but of course that’s what they’re being paid for, isn’t it?
- At some point one of your parents will say “Well, if you’re going to be that way, we can always just go home and refuse paying tuition. Your choice, Emily.”
- You’re going to make a lot of new friends on your freshman floor, so keep your story straight and don’t blow your cover. We need you to find out who the ringleader is and where they’re keeping the hostages.
- The dining halls will make you so glad your mom packed breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next semester.
- When you pick up your textbooks, don’t be surprised if, when you pull out your wallet, a Cornell Store employee swings down from the rafters and nabs it.
- It’s a big campus so you might get lost. Ask anyone for directions if you need help, or if you just want to feel like an idiot.
- Get excited for your baptism in Beebe Lake to become a true follower of Cornellism. If you do not subscribe to our beliefs and practices, you must leave immediately!
- You’re going to have a lot of nervous feelings about moving to a different place, with new people and new challenges ahead, but hey, anything’s better than high school.