DAY HALL – Helplessly buzzing with anticipation over their next tuition supplement, returning students are on the edge of their seats to find out what fee Cornell will charge them this year.
“Personally, my bet’s with something clothing related, like a Hat Fee,” speculated Senior Gavin Treyhoust, who went on to explain that a potential Hat Fee would charge those students who wore hats.
Having already been informed last year of the mandatory Gannett Health Fee, many Cornellians eagerly await to find out what controversial payment they will wholeheartedly resent for the next several months.
“It can definitely get pretty hot and humid at times,” pointed out Junior Madison Weeberman, another one of the many students eager to be squeezed for just a couple more dollars, “I’ll be looking out for a Central Air Conditioning Fee, but they may have to switch over to a Heating Fee in the winter.”
When asked about what fee he was hoping for, Sophomore Jason Chung replied, “Man, I’d just love to pay a New Provost Fee, but I could totally see myself rooting for something just as simple as a Sidewalk Repair Fee.”
At press time, University Administrators were discussing the possibility of just having a large, all-inclusive fee covering all university operations that they would charge each student per semester.