Nooz Staff August 21, 2016

Freshman Faking Allergies to Live in Mews Deemed ‘Bratty’ by Roommate Using Alumni Connections

NORTH CAMPUS — Legacy admit Ella Anderson ‘20 has accused her roommate Stephanie Park ‘20 of being a “brat” for making up her mold allergies to live in Mews Hall, the newest dorm on North Campus, instead of leveraging powerful alumni connections.

“Who would go so far as to petition the student housing office to live in an air conditioned dorm? To me, that’s really immature and elitist,” said Anderson, who was placed in the dorm as a result of her well-to-do family’s connections despite a lackluster high school career.

Anderson went on to state that she was placed in the dorm because she had written a personalized, persuasive note to her father’s old fraternity brother, Rick “Jackhammer” Moriarty, who is currently in charge of campus housing.

“I mean [Ella’s] just so frustrating,” said Park. “I got a doctor’s note from my parents, two very busy plastic surgeons, for a ‘mold allergy’ that I don’t have just to live in Mews, and I’m starting to think that I should have taken my chances in the lottery like everyone else. Even a forced triple in Low Rise 6 is starting to sound better than living with such a whiny, spoiled bitch.”

The two roommates hadn’t known one another before moving into their double in August, when neither Park nor Anderson would take out the trash or clean their communal space, as neither roommate had ever gone more than a week without a housekeeper to do it for them.

At presstime, Anderson’s mother was overheard on the phone with Gretchen Ritter complaining that her daughter’s placement in Chem 2070 was not inappropriate given her 4 on the Chemistry AP, while Park’s parents were drafting a letter to interim President Rawlings requesting a new TCAT route that better fits their daughter’s class schedule.

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