September 8, 2016

OP-ED: I Refuse To Shower If I’m Just Going To Walk Somewhere Later

sweatyman

I’m done. That’s it. I give up. I’m not showering until the weather cools down. Every single day, no matter where I go or what time it is, I am drenched in sweat from head to toe. Collegetown to Uris? No question. Rockefeller to the Engineering Quad? Yep. I had to walk from Klarman to Goldwin Smith and I STILL looked like I had just left some secret sauna on campus. There’s no point, and that’s why I will not shower my body for the foreseeable future.

I’ve tried everything. Putting my backpack over just one shoulder so my shirt can breathe, wearing light colored clothing, buying a parasol, and even walking entirely nude to class. Literally nothing works. Therefore, I’ve made up my mind and I’m not changing it. There is no reason to be clean if the world we live in is sweaty.

I refuse to shower until the weather cools down. If every time I am forced to leave the confines of the indoors I appear to have more sweat on my back than someone who just finished their third Crossfit class of the day, why should I have to lather and rinse myself in order to repeat the same process the next day? It makes NO sense.

Congrats Mother Nature, you win. Until the weather cools down and I can comfortably walk to class without being drenched, I am not showering. Frankly I don’t care what I smell like; you’re not better than me with your clean, functioning pores. At least, I’ll embrace my sweat while the rest of you losers continue to fight the inevitable stank of defeat.

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