August 23, 2017

Former Intern Eager to Apply Newly Obtained Coffee-Fetching Skills

After three months of his internship at General Motors, Stuart Reed ‘18 is prepared to introduce his newly acquired coffee-fetching skills into the world of academia.

“The real-world experiences I’ve gathered at GM will really contribute to my education, ” said Reed confidently. “As a marketing intern, I’ve grown accustomed to quick critical thinking, like trying to figure out what to do when I spill half of my boss’s drink before it gets to her desk.”

The seasoned Starbucks-line-waiter has perfected the art of memorizing more than 20 different coffee orders from each person on his floor, including Diane’s venti skinny sugar-free vanilla latte with coconut milk and for the love of all things holy, hold the damn foam.

“I still remember the day I finally got Diane’s order right and she smiled at me in approval,” reminisced the former intern fondly. “I decided right there and then that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life.”

Excited to brag to future employers about the responsibilities he shouldered at his internship, Reed updated his resume by adding “exceptional strategic planning” to his list of impressive skills.

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