Nooz Staff September 30, 2020

Modern Day Lewis and Clark? Adventurous Student Embarks on Expedition to Olin Library

OLIN LIBRARY— Despite the abject horror of his roommates, self-proclaimed COVID-Scout William Yates ‘23 bravely and daringly trekked from his apartment in collegetown into the wilds of Olin Library.

“When we were laying down the ground rules for our behavior this semester, we agreed to only to leave the apartment for booze, CTB runs, and the infrequent date,” said Michael Paxton. “I reminded him that as he packed his HydroFlask, two hand sanitizer dispensers, N-95 mask, UV sanitizing wand, and Lysol, but he insisted he couldn’t find his ‘true self’ in our apartment. He’s a CS major! The only thing he should find are tips on StackOverflow.”

 

Yate’s valiant odyssey also annoyed roommate Trevor Berman ‘23, who sees no difficulty in studying at home. “Yeah, our apartment isn’t perfect, the desk wiggles everytime you try to write, you can hear chihuahua-sized rats scampering their dirty feet in the ceiling above us, and the AC only works every other day, but at least in here you’re safe from wild asymptotic carriers and anti-masking Karens,” said Berman ‘23 though cascading beads of sweat.

Yates, however, remains adamant about feeling “the call of the wild.” 

“Chris McCandless is my spirit animal in a way,” said Yates, as he furiously scrubbed his reserved study space for the first half of his allotted hour. “Not the dying part, but I really vibe with being able to ignore society’s restraints. Olin is my personal Alaska. I feel like a grand and enlightened explorer. I’m kinda like Marco Polo.”

Yates laced up his Timbs and set off for another soul searching session, this time under the gleaming florescent lights of the fourth floor.

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