“When Do Classes Start?” Asks Median Grade ILR Student

IVES HALL—ILR student Jason Schodd ’23 made major strides in his academic career this week after his bold inquiry into whether or not the academic year had yet begun. Although he has yet to attend class, Schodd’s newfound drive for excellence should allow him to rise above the middle of the pack among his classmates.

“Summer break is never as long as you want, but I think I’m just about ready for the school year to start,” stated Schodd. “I’m planning to step things up big time for the rest of the semester, some real scholarly shit,” added Schodd, referring to the act of leaving the house before 2pm and walking to Ives Hall.

Schodd’s educational renaissance was initiated after he began to ponder aloud to his roommates, asking “Where do you guys go every day?” and “Didn’t we get started earlier last year?”. Once informed that classes had been well in progress for over a month, he promptly went upstairs to take a nap, making a mental note to wander vaguely in the direction of central campus the following morning.

“It’s really wonderful to see Jason show this kind of initiative,” said Professor Christine Peters. “The fact that he’s taking such an active role in his coursework shows great potential. Up until now I’ve just been passing him in accordance with department policy, but if he actually makes it to class I’ll be giving him top marks for the rest of the semester.”

At press time, Schodd is poised to become one of the top performing ILR majors this year following his discovery that the material covered in his lectures “is like, the same” as the questions on his exams.

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