Patient Hockey Fan Waiting For Ice To Melt Before Throwing Fish Into New Home

LYNAH RINK—When Charlie Yu ‘26 bought his ticket to the 2023 Cornell-Harvard men’s ice hockey game, he didn’t realize how much of a commitment it would be.

But two days after the game’s conclusion, the stands remained empty save for the lone sophomore’s silent vigil as he waited for the perfect conditions to toss his fishy friend onto the ice.

“I just want to clarify, I’m not delusional. I don’t think these creatures warrant even an ounce of human empathy or compassion. I hope every last one of them took a tuna straight to the head,” said Charlie when asked about the Harvard Crimson hockey team. “But the fish? I can’t help but feel like they deserve better treatment.”

An avid hockey fan, Yu was already planning to attend the match when he caught the scent of the fish-flinging tradition. His morning visit to the seafood aisle was entirely free of moral quandaries or reservations. It was only during the game, watching hundreds of limp fish violently strike the unforgiving surface of the ice, that he began to have second thoughts.

“Watching my classmates hurl all manner of sea creatures onto the rink, it suddenly struck me as unconscionable,” said Charlie, clutching his decomposing Wegmans Whole Black Sea Bass to his chest. “Haven’t we dealt enough cruelty to God’s creatures? Are the pollution and overfishing not enough?” A tear rolled down his cheek. “I thought the least I could do was wait for the ice to melt. Once summer comes, this little guy will have a rink-size aquarium all to himself.”

Until anyone has the heart to correct his misunderstanding about hockey rink maintenance– or tell him that his fish is already dead– Charlie and his sea bass are expected to remain spectators in Lynah Rink indefinitely.

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