DUFFIELD HALL—Feeling tricked after spending her first few weeks of consulting club membership as a Krispy-Kreme saleswoman instead of practicing insider trading tactics, Emma Nichols ‘27 formulated a strategy to reach her sales quota early. She developed this donut-distributing plan based on advice from her mentor at CCCBD360, who sold out of their stale boxes instantly by telling potential customers they could profit by selling each donut in a half-dozen to six other fools instead of eating the entire box alone in their dorm.
“We’ve put an ungodly amount of funds towards donuts this semester instead of our weekly sake-bombing socials. All the top donut vendors have been selling in bulk to business people with entrepreneurial drive, so our fine consulting club, of course, had to take part in their success,” the jaded mentor advised Nichols, a recent recruit who has yet to learn the ways of donut dealing. “Just tell the next broke-looking person to walk by to buy a half-dozen and sell each donut to six friends, if they have any, who can each cut their donut into six slices and then sell each one to six more dumbasses!”
Following her consultation with such an experienced donut distributor, Nichols pitched the business opportunity to two hungry students at the table, who were already eager to get their greasy hands on some more raspberry-filled dough.
“All you need to profit is some entrepreneurial spirit and a small buy-in of just ten dollars a box! Join CCCBD360’s donut dynasty while you still can! It’s easy and helps the great cause of money and business or something!” After hearing her enticing speech, a dough-dealing crowd gathered to partake in the donut dynasty.
Within minutes, the market for donut chunks among students had become oversaturated, with friendless Krispy-Kreme purchasers desperately wandering between tables, offering donut leftovers for sale. From whole boxes to the mere sticky chunks that remained, not one profitable crumb would be left to waste.
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