“Silly Drink Paint Thursdays” Revealed To Be Hazing All Along

UNIVERSITY AVE—Aspiring brothers of Beta Sigma fraternity were shocked to find out that their favorite weekly pledge event “Silly Drink Paint Thursday” was actually hazing.

Beta Sigma was one of many fraternities placed under suspension by the University amidst a crackdown on hazing. Brothers and pledges alike were caught off guard by the punishment, unsure why forceful consumption of poisonous materials could be considered immoral.

“My Big drank paint. My Grandbig drank paint, as did his Big before him! Who am I to break tradition?” lamented the frat’s Risk Chair, Jack Rampert ’24. “Everybody is talking about us like we’re an evil group pressuring 18 and 19-year-old boys to do harmful things to themselves in the name of brotherhood. That’s not us. If they don’t want to drink paint, they don’t have to. We also have primer.”

The hazing practice was discovered by horrified outsiders when swarms of freshmen boys were returning to their dorms late on Thursdays with a ring of red, white, and blue paint around their mouths. During the event, pledges are split into Color War-like factions. They are blindfolded, given a cup of paint to taste, and must guess the correct RGB values of the color. 

Members of the fraternity have bravely indicated that hazing bonds them as a family in a “dope-ass way.” Participants of the event were brought to the hospital to be seen by medical professionals. When asked about her views on this new hazing exercise, Dr. Marcia Goldenbaum said, “they’re drinking paint? Of course they are.”

Like This!