Jewish Freshman Wonders Which Club Was Running This Weird Forehead Protest Thing On Wednesday

ITHACA, NY – Cornell freshman Arnold Gimmelstein spent most of Wednesday, March 5 utterly confused. The freshman bio major,  who woke believing Wednesday to be an ordinary day, was surprised when he saw hundreds of students with black marks on their foreheads. Sources say that Gimmelstein asked most of his friends what the reason was,…

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Black History Month Going Well

ITHACA, NY – Cornell University is pleased to confirm that Black History Month is actually going pretty well this year. “Honestly, everything considered, BHM’s been pretty solid this year,” said a junior Cornellian. “In general, the entirety of Black History Month seems to have gone according to plan, which I would consider a success. We’re…

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