Tag Archives: Food

OP-ED: My Hand Brushed Against Another Student’s In Okenshields, Should I Get Married Or Contact Traced?

OKENSHIELDS 一 Let me paint you a picture. There I am, alone, in Okenshields on a Tuesday night, preparing for a hearty meal in the line for stir fry and rice. My mind is wholly on food, and I am ravenous. My plan, executed to perfection numerous times hence, is Read More

Cornell Addresses Dining Hall Overcrowding with New “Slop in a Trough” Feeding System

ROBERT PURCELL COMMUNITY CENTER—Sloppy boys rejoice! Cornell Dining began Thursday by announcing its decision to fix its overcrowded, understaffed dining halls by switching to the innovative “Slop in a Trough” feeding system.   “We believe that Slop in a Trough is the fastest and most effective way to feed our Read More

Increasingly Concerned Ryan Lombardi Makes it to Final Wing Without Tasting Anything

DAY HALL—As Ryan Lombardi, Vice President of Student and Campus Life, finished the penultimate chicken wing in a spicy wing challenge with “Hot Ones” host Sean Evans, he became increasingly worried about his inability to taste any of them. Lombardi, who pounded through Wings 1 and 2, Sriracha and Franks Read More

Student Returning Home Disappointed By Meal Plan Options

STATEN ISLAND—Longing for a time with better company and better food, Alex Reed ’24 has been missing Cornell Dining’s exquisite meal selections while back at his parents’ house for Winter Break.  “It’s nice to not have to wait in line at the dining hall—sorry, dining room,” Reed said. “But overall, Read More

Adventurous Student Makes Second-Favorite Breakfast Dish After 10-Day Streak of Cooking His Favorite

COLLEGETOWN— Alan McMillan ‘21 recently made the stunning decision to eschew his preferred breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast for his back-up choice of oatmeal with fresh fruit. “I really felt like I was getting in a rut, what with classes and never leaving my apartment,” McMillan said excitedly while Read More

OP-ED: These Bitch Ass Bees Keep Bothering Me While I Try to Eat

COLLEGETOWN BAGELS—Let me begin by establishing that I’m normally extremely easygoing. A friend is running late to a meetup? I understand. Got rejected from my dream job? Things happen. Nothing, however, has tested my patience as much as those buzzy little shits that refuse to stay away from my latest Read More

Cornell’s Dietary Guidelines Recommend 12 Daily Servings of PepsiCo Products

PEPSICO AUDITORIUM– In an attempt to encourage healthy on campus living habits, Cornell Dining, Cornell Health, and the Cornell Department of Nutritional Sciences have released a food guide recommending that students consume 12 servings of PepsiCo products every day. “Many young adults find out that college is the time to Read More

Waffle Frolic Owner at Apple Fest Slips on Amish Bonnet in Attempt to Justify Higher Prices

THE COMMONS—After he saw 20-minutes lines for Apple Fest-goers to pay $2 for a single apple cider donut made by members of a local Amish community this past weekend, owner of local restaurant Waffle Frolic Johnny Clotter was observed putting on an Amish-style bonnet in hopes that the aesthetic would Read More

Jewish Student Uses Yom Kippur to Reflect on How He Doesn’t Have Food in House Anyway

COLLEGETOWN — In recognition of Yom Kippur, the annual Jewish holiday of atonement during which followers often fast for a full 24 hours, Cornell student Isaac Rosen ’18 has decided to refrain from eating and reflect on the fact that he doesn’t really have any food in his house anyway. Read More