Study: 95% of Free Condoms Given Out by Gannett Taken to Impress Friends

ITHACA- In a study put out by Gannett Health Services, it was discovered that at least 95% of all free condoms given out in their main lobby are used by students to try to impress their friends.

“I think I’ll just grab two for now, that should be fine for the next week or so” said virgin Bobby Esser ’18, speaking with his fellow virgin peers while trying to quickly figure out which of the various condoms he should take.

“I don’t know, but there’s this sophomore chick who I think is really into me, and for all I know she may want me to use two condoms at the same time, if you know what I mean” continued the confused Esser, further astonishing his oblivious friends.

Further in the study, Gannett Health Services revealed that 100% of students who ask for Magnum XL condoms are only kidding themselves.

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