November 13, 2015

Engineer Happily One Standard Deviation Above Mean BRB Balance

mattins

DUFFIELD HALL – After swiping his ID card and anxiously staring the Mattin’s Café register, mechanical engineer Ben Hornstein ’19 was pleased to discover that he had scored slightly above a standard deviation of the mean BRB balance.

“It’s such a relief to see all my work pay off,” commented Hornstein, excitedly clutching his Chipotle Chicken Wrap. “I haven’t been doing all that well this semester, and it wasn’t until I saw my BRB score after buying Ivy Room sushi that I realized I needed to get my act together.”

“I always hear about the massive dining dollar deflation at Cornell, compared to other Ivy League schools like Harvard,” said Hornstein. “All of my lunches are super intense this semester, and the dining program here in general really isn’t a joke.”

It was also reported that students who scored two standard deviations below the mean have already started dropping BRBs completely and switching to an easier City Bucks meal plan.

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