September 26, 2016

Government Major Convinced He Would Probably Be Great President

GOLDWIN SMITH HALL — Admitting that it will probably happen in his bright future, Government major Conrad Davis ’17 is convinced that he could actually be a great president someday.

“I know it’s a long shot, but I’d do a good job,” Davis said, his voice resonating with the leadership of a true patriot. “I’ve been passing almost all my Government classes, and I know that I’m right about everything.”

One of Davis’ classmates, Ari Hoboken ’17, concurred. “He’s overbearing and awful in section, so I try not to interact with him,” she said. “That sounds like presidential material.”

Davis stated that he probably has everything he needs, except a little real-world experience.

“I’ve got a trust fund that could start off my campaign, and ideas from class readings. Every time I start talking, people get really quiet like they’re listening intently.”

Davis added that his mother has been telling him that he could be president ever since he was little, and she’s never wrong.

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