November 16, 2016

Atlas Angry at Classmates for Piggybacking on World-Lifting Group Project

GOLDWIN SMITH HALL — As the semester comes to an end and classes across the campus dive into their final group projects, the Greek Titan Atlas is becoming frequently frustrated with his classmates for not holding up their end of the assignment.

“It feels like I’m holding the entire world on my shoulders,” Atlas complained as he struggled to keep the 7,917.5-mile-wide mass above him. “Prometheus is too busy giving fire to the humans to help out, and Epimetheus wasted all his time awarding positive traits to the animals. Those aren’t even on the rubric.”

Atlas’ professor Cronus assigned the project a few millennia ago in his Classics lecture. Holding the world aloft is a common assignment given the department’s difficult coursework, but the deadline is coming up quickly and none of Atlas’ group-mates have filled out the Doodle Poll yet.

“All I need is a hand or two to bear some of the weight,” Atlas shrugged, “but Menoetius apparently got sick and can’t make it here from Tartarus. Another day all by myself.”

Sources confirmed that no one has responded to Atlas’ messages because they’re all mingling at the Temple of Zeus.

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