November 18, 2016

Formal Attire Compensates For Two Hours of Being Drunk and Trashy

BOATYARD GRILL – Looking like highly sophisticated and fully functioning members of society, attendees of Rho Upsilon Tau’s annual fall formal felt no lack of dignity despite several hours of behaving like trash and getting fucked up at a very nice venue.

“It’s really great to enjoy a classy event with everyone dressed up so spiffy to conclude a great semester,” said a finally clean-shaven Noah Sampson ‘18, while shackled to his date and buying his seventh Long Island of the night.

Stylish young women in sleek dresses and heels were seen rummaging through their purses for plastic water bottles full of vodka as their smartly-dressed gentlemen passed out in the corners of one of Ithaca’s most acclaimed five star restaurants.

“The highlight of my evening was when that 1738 song played,” said Kelsey Tucker ‘19, referring to the moment when every refined, elegant, Ivy-League socialite transitioned to the dance floor and slowly grinded to trap music under a low-lit strobe light.

The successful upscale event concluded when the brothers and their dates stumbled off of a puke ridden elementary school bus to go trash their annex.

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