March 14, 2017

Attending College in Frozen Hellscape Finally Pays Off

Photo By: Cornell Daily Sun

ITHACA, NY — Following the announcement that Cornell University classes will be canceled as of noon today because of a major snowstorm, reports indicate that attending college in a frozen hellscape such as Ithaca, New York, is finally paying off for students.

“When I first started school at this frigid purgatory of a town I began questioning my motives and sanity, but after I saw the notice of only half a day of classes today, I began to think that picking an icy nightmare university is finally paying off,” said Ben Leiber ’20, who at the time of the notification was just putting on his heavy boots and coat to wander into the seemingly unending misery and cold. “If we can pick up a few major snowstorms here and there to get us out of class once every three years, maybe passing up UCLA to instead come to a subzero underworld of torment and suffering will all have been worth it.”

Additional reports went on to point out that classes are still scheduled for tomorrow, despite subzero wind chills and the continuation of this abysmal storm.

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