Rising Senior’s Apartment Affordable Firetrap Only Ten Minute Walk From Olin

COLLEGETOWN — Junior Jake Evans reported today that the apartment he’d be living in next year was, “An affordable place, close to campus, and virtually impossible to escape in the event of a fire or other emergency.”

Chatting with friends over coffee, Evans mentioned that his apartment was likely to become “his tomb,” and that if the slightest thing went wrong it would almost certainly lead to his death. “I’m just amazed you found a place so close for so cheap!” responded Clare Smith, ’18.

Evans recalls the landlord when he toured the apartment as saying, “Oh yeah only one exit, and no fire escape despite being on the third floor, but for this price this close, it’s a steal.”

At press time, Evans commented: “My buddy Matt is paying like eight hundred for a place on, like, State Street, so the constant looming threat of death by inferno is worth it in the long run.”

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