September 6, 2017

Freshman Boasts Outstanding Expected GPA on Résumé

BARTON HALL—Setting himself apart from other candidates at Career Fair, David Lansing ‘21 decided to include an outstanding expected GPA in his résumé.

“I got the idea from my high school guidance counselor,” said the excited freshman while waiting in line to speak with Google representatives. “She basically told me that anyone who’s serious about getting a job should include a high GPA and emphasize their potential for success.”

When asked by recruiters how he calculated a 4.3, Lansing produced his “projected transcript”, which consisted of a list of his current courses with A+s written next to each in ballpoint pen, except for one course that was just a mediocre A to make things realistic.

“All of the companies I’ve talked to are really taking notice of my expected grade point average,” the confident job applicant gushed. “I’m so glad I chose to place it in a bolder font before my two summers of lifeguarding experience and list of skills, like fluency in English and Microsoft Word.”

Lansing managed to visit seven booths at the Career Fair, practicing his humble nod as each company’s recruiter widened their eyes at his GPA and wordlessly placed his résumé in the coveted pile behind them.

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