Nooz Staff April 25, 2019

Three Month Wait for Group Therapy Thursdays

COLLEGETOWN—Students were shocked to discover this week that it takes 3 months to get a table at “Group Therapy Thursday” at local watering hole Hideaway.

The weekly drink special is popular with Cornell students looking to unwind from the stress and anxiety of school. It came as a painful surprise this Thursday when Cornellians, very much in the throes of pre-finals stress, heard that Hideaway would be happy to help… on Thursday, July 25th.

“It’s outrageous,” remarked Kelsey McGraw ‘20. “I mean, does Hideaway not understand that these mental health issues are happening right now? In 3 months I’ll already be done with finals and papers; I won’t need to crush a pitcher and down a few shots to drown my sorrows.”

Hideaway has contemplated offering group-based drinking specials in more locations on more days of the week to help keep up with demand. “But it just doesn’t make any sense,” said Hank Ericson, Owner of Hideaway. “Right now, we don’t have nearly enough resources to offer Group Therapy on other days.”

Hideaway had received numerous large donations from dedicated regulars. When asked where these gifts went, Ericson responded that they “bought this dope new sign,” and reminded his “needy customers” that his bar just recently brought in an additional 4 pitchers to help carry the load.

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