DAY HALL—President Martha Pollack has drawn scrutiny across campus this weekend after details have emerged that link the president to a high-stakes dog fighting ring. Although early reports had indicated that Pollack is someone of a regular at the fights, the true extent of her involvement is only just beginning to be revealed.
“Oh yeah, Money Making Martha is here all the time,” said source Vichael Mick, who supposedly runs the ring, “Triple-M doesn’t fuck around when it comes to her puppies or her bread. She makes it very clear that she only breeds winners since she is about her paper.”
According to sources close to the situation, the fights began around 9:45 on Saturday evening, taking place behind the Regal Cinema at Ithaca Mall. A group of students who had been enjoying a showing of Dune noticed a commotion behind a group of cars and as they approached the sound of barking became increasingly louder.
“It was terrifying, the dogs were so loud and violent,” said Daniel Hoal ‘23, “but the really upsetting part was seeing President Pollack get so animated about the fight. She was screaming and cursing at her pitbull, who seemed to have lost the first fight.”
Pollack reportedly then started trying to cut deals and then offered double or nothing odds for another round. After they didn’t accept her offer, Pollack was said to have told them that she would wager the university’s endowment, which currently stands around $10 billion.
It would appear that Pollack’s pooch ultimately won the fight, as President Pollack was seen walking the dog (a three-year-old female pitbull named Bonecrusher) around the Arts Quad on Sunday evening.