Nooz Staff November 24, 2020

Fraternities Concerned Cornell’s Switch to Green Status Might Make Them Appear Socially Responsible

WEST CAMPUS—In response to the recent news that the Ithaca COVID levels have dropped to the point that campus may now return to Green status, several fraternities across campus have expressed concern that this will reflect negatively on Cornell’s Greek life.

“Okay, we’re obviously stoked we can go out again, but we hardly had a chance to break the rules before they took them away,” proclaimed Bradley Flemings ‘22, president of an underground fraternity. “Honestly, it’s going to hurt spring recruiting if athletics keep hogging the spotlight here. I mean, a whole cluster? Getting called out by the administration? Those are our moves.”

Ultimately, these concerns are shared by students of all ages, with several freshmen doubting their previous intentions to rush after the news broke, including Jameson Adams III ‘24, a prospective third-generation brother of Beta Iota Zeta.

“Frankly, this isn’t the brotherhood my father knew,” he explained. “The underage keg parties, attempted bribes of campus police, public drunkenness charges? Where is that Beta? I mean, no self-respecting fraternity would ever turn up a chance to recklessly endanger public safety.”

“It’s been a few weeks since Greek life did something illegal or morally questionable, so we just wanted to touch base,” one mid-level official explained. At press time, Cornell administration hoped to crack down on Greek life as soon as possible, noting the usual increase in alumni donations whenever a fraternity was in legal trouble. 

Like This!