“This Hotel Is Almost as Nice as the Ones You’ll Inherit,” Says Hotelie Mother Visiting Statler

After lodging in the Stater Hotel during move-in, Dr. Justine Quality-Inn Ph.D. ’94, mother of Alex Quality-Inn ’24, informed her daughter that the hotel was “not bad for Upstate,” but was no match for the hotels Alex will one day inherit.

“This is fine, I guess,” says Alex. “My mom told me I should expect those metal heater things. But I think that because I have that hotel name, I’ll be able to score the heaters where I get to decide the temperature, even if it’s U.S. imperial.”

“My mommy told me the thread count on the sheets, which I was pretty disappointed about, but it was fine I guess. It’s okay because it’s 500+ threads, whatever that means,” says a morose Qualityinn, who has been resting on 1500 her whole life.

However, as the Statler possesses neither a pot filler nor garbage disposal, Dr. Quality-Inn has decided to relocate to a Super8 in order to have a truly high-class experience.